The day started much like any other day. It's Josh's first day off shift, meaning that he was coming home this morning around 830. Loralei woke up at 630 and Addison woke up at 700. We generally take our time getting up but today I wanted to make pancakes and bacon before our big day out at the North Charleston Fire Safety Expo and shopping at Tanger.
I had already changed and nursed Loralei by the time Addison got up but before starting breakfast I checked them again. Addison had pooped. I set her on the changing table and reached into the wipe warmer to find it empty. Crap. I grabbed Addi and ran to their room to get another bag from the closet. But it was empty. It's completely full of clothes and blankets and toys but no wipes in sight. Oh double crap. I ran back to our room and called Josh after grabbing the wipes container from the diaper bag in the hall. He said hello and I said "Please please please tell me we are not completely OUT OF WIPES! How could this HAPPEN?!" (I should note here that we have never ever EVER run out of wipes before. Diapers, we have had a close call exactly twice, but wipes? Never.) Josh informed me that there were some in the diaper bag but he thought there was another bag in the girl's closet. We always buy at least 2 ahead so we could never be out. Agreeing that a trip to Sam's Club was in order, I proceeded to count the wipes remaining from the diaper bag. 15.
With Addison cleaned up, and Loralei too since I discovered she was also dirty, we went out into the living room and I got out the bacon. Exactly 2 minutes later I heard splashing. Splashing?? I turned around to find Loralei naked from the waist down and playing in a HUGE puddle on the wooden floor. 😳 I tossed the bacon back in the fridge and picked up Loralei to run down the hall to the girl's bathroom. I dumped her in the dry tub and told Addison to watch her as I went to grab a towel and quickly wipe up the mess.
Once I had tossed the towel in the laundry room I gave Loralei a speedy bath and re-dressed her. Back to the bacon. Luckily the girls were behaving and playing together in the living room so I could cook now.
Josh arrived home and we had breakfast. Then we all showered and got dressed and packed for an all-day outing. Off in the minivan I swore I'd never drive to the Fire Safety Expo!
The Safety Expo had tons of fire trucks, vendors, a car-cutting demonstration (that Josh's old station buddies did), food, bounce houses, free admission to the Fire Museum, and tons of small plastic fire helmets for the kids to wear!
As we headed back to the van, Josh noticed that Addison was dirty again. We changed her and Loralei and loaded up to go across the street to Sam's Club. Well, we hit the Walmart parking lot, a few lanes away from Sam's and Josh yelled out: "Is that POOP on her FACE?!" Surprisingly enough my reply was, "Who??" "LORALEI! Pull over! It's on her HANDS! It's EVERYWHERE! Oh my gosh! Pull over!" he yelled. "Ok ok, hold on a second."
(The Walmart and Sam's Club parking lot is probably the busiest parking lot in North Charleston. Seriously. All of Tanger is always always bonkers. They should probably have their own evacuation plan just in case.) I pulled into the first lane I could and of course had to drive down to the end. We both jumped out, opened van the door and gasped.
Luckily for you readers I didn't take an actual picture, I don't think EVERY moment of my kid's lives should be documented, but let me paint you a word picture... Poop. Everywhere. EVERYWHERE! I am still, hours later, pondering how such a tiny body could possibly hold so much poop. How many intestines do kids have? Maybe that's why she popped?? I mean it's actually referred to by parents as a "blow out" for a reason right? Oh my gosh. Poop on her face. Poop on her arms and legs. Poop all over her car seat. So. Much. Poop.
We considered for a fast minute just going home. Just leaving her buckled, closing the door, and making the 15 minute trip home with her as is. But only for a minute. I mean even though it was already drying all over her body (yuck), we couldn't go home and clean her up because... we were out of wipes! What horrible timing! Josh and I then weighed the option of one of us running into Sam's Club or Walmart alone and leaving the other to clean up. That was a no go. This was definitely a 2 person job. Maybe a SWAT team should be called in too??
"Divide and conquer. I'll take Loralei and you take the seat," I declared. With his face so contorted his mom wouldn't recongize him, Josh unclicked Loralei's seat and pulled her out. We both paused to assess the damage and blink several times. Poop. Poop everywhere. "This is disgusting," Josh said. Yeap. "This is so disgusting," he repeated. Der. "Gross!" "Oh jeez, it's JUST POOP," I said exasperated. Not like we could just walk away. The seat and the daughter had to be cleaned. I tend to always think of what could be worse. At least it was the poop of someone we know. Someone we love.
I ran to the back and grabbed a towel. (I aspire to be Mary Poppins so I have pretty much everything I think we might possibly need at some point maybe, in the diaper bag/back of the van. Including a big Tupperware container of 2 spare outfits per kid, 5 extra diapers per kid, an extra container of wipes, a blanket, a towel, a bag of toys, and a baby carrier. It sits next to the stroller. Like I said, Mary Poppins.) I spread the towel across the driver seat and took Loralei. "Jeez Louise girl!" I worked on getting her poop covered outfit off while Josh began deconstructing the car seat as much as possible while I secretly laughed at his many twisted faces. We used every single one of our 15 wipes and the spare container too. We started filling doggie-bags with the dirty items as we worked. (Yes, I have those too. And a collapsible water bowl and a treat. You just never know.)
Addison sat, innocently watching Mickey Mouse, so we could handle Loralei and her mess without Addi also screaming at us. Speaking of which, Loralei was very upset. Not until we took her out of course but when we did she was downright pissed. It doesn't help that she's developed this new pterodactyl-like scream that only dogs can hear. The cars windshields around us were cracking as I worked to clean poop out from between her toes and from under her fingernails. Finally cleaned up and out of baby wipes and hand sanitizer, we all got into the van to head instead to Target at Josh's suggestion. At least then we'd be closer to home.
We hit Target and made it home no problems. Off I go to wash a car seat and several poop-covered items...
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