Life is a little thing

Little emotional rant: I'm having a hard time sleeping tonight...Josh had a hard day on the squad truck. He wouldn't give me any details because he doesn't ever want to upset me, but he had to go on a call around dinner time where a 6 month old baby was shot on the porch on a home in North Charleston. The news reported at 11 that it was inside and looked like the 4 year old sibling had found a gun to play with while the mother was in the yard...but Josh said it didn't look that way to him and that the baby had been left alone on the porch when responders arrived. He wasn't sure what the outcome would be since the baby had lost so much blood. Neighbors didn't see anything and only heard the shot. Where were the parents? Where was anybody? While this horrible moment was happening and Josh was dealing with it, I was playing with Addison's toes and watching her eat her watermelon and practice her sippy cup. 2 nights ago I finished her quilt and I went in there tonight while she was sleeping covered in it to just look at her and see that she is whole and safe and it occurred to me that I would do anything for her. People say things like that all the time but I would no hesitation jump in front of a bullet for that magical creature who sometimes makes me crazy and sleep deprived. I hate that Josh has to see incidents like that while on the job. It can't be easy and I can tell that since we've had Addison and become pregnant with Baby that it effects him a little more. When he called he asked me to hug her and Baby until he got home and could do it himself. I did and what I didn't tell him, what I don't tell anyone, is that I'm so glad it wasn't me. I don't think I'm strong enough to see that. Or is it just because I would rather be tortured for months than see my sweet baby girl hurt for a second? I couldn't sleep last night because Addison had nightmares every hour and tonight I can't sleep because I feel the pain of someone who's baby has a hole in them because they weren't watching, or worse, put it there themselves. I feel for the people who responded to the call, the doctors who had to operate on an innocent baby. I'm sure they all went home to hug their babies, be grateful that isn't their world. I am too. I'll take sleep deprived hours and playing with little baby toes any day. 

Get Well Soon cake

Cake I made yesterday afternoon. Yellow cake with homemade buttercream frosting. 

Tree bark quilt

Made my first quilt today! Pretty proud of myself so I thought I'd share a picture or 2. Front:

Back: 

4th of July Firework Cake and Cupcakes

Sometimes you just need to bake things. It's like peanut butter for your soul; and if you know that movie reference, we're gonna be bffs. ;-) Well with baking comes decorating when you talk cakes and cupcakes. And honey, I love to talk cakes and cupcakes! My family reunion is this weekend so we will be attempting to drive up several mountain roads for 8ish hours with our 9 month old little girl. Fun stuff. Anywho I made a cake and several cupcakes for the occasion. Here's some fun pictures! 

No sew tutu!

Hey all! I thought I'd share some knowledge I came across about how to make a no sew tutu with step by step with pictures included. First thing is first, decide what color scheme you want to follow. I've found the more colors the better so I'd advise a minimum of 2. For Addison's tutu I decided on 4 colors of tulle since its for her 1st birthday party. You also need to pick a ribbon since this is essential for the "no sew" part and allows you to let the tutu grow a little with your little one. These are the colors I picked and my ribbon: 

The most tedious part of the process for me was cutting the ribbon into strips. I cut each ribbon into 2 inch strips. 

Don't worry if they aren't perfect - no one will know, trust me. The next step is to measure your little one's waist with the ribbon and add another foot and a half for the bow. You can always cut off a few inches later when it's all done. The easiest way to put the tulle strips on the ribbon is to tape the ribbon ends to the top of 2 dining room chairs. Then just go to it and start adding the tulle to the ribbon. 

Honestly I forgot to take a picture of the actual tying part but you can tie it how you feel comfortable. I used a loop knot: take the tulle folded in half and place the ends at the bottom behind the ribbon and the folded top above but still behind the ribbon. Bring your left hand up and pass the ends through the "loop" and pull it tight and secure on your ribbon. Keep adding strips varying the colors so it looks like this. 

And tie tie tie until your arms are numb.

At some point I thought trying not to sew was crazy and I should bust out my Brother but I foraged on. And ended up with THIS! 

I promise it is so fun looking and cute! I pulled the pink strips up to the top after this picture and is so girly. So run off to Hobby Lobby and get started! 

Fire truck cake

So I have the best friends in the world who also happen to be my neighbors...Lucky me! ;) They are great to call for spider-killing, dog-sitting, help moving things, ect. They are just awesome people. The last thing they did was dog and house watch when we went to the Fire Convention in Myrtle Beach and though I looked, I couldn't find any "My neighbor is a fireman" shirts or stickers. From previous posts you know I'm taking a cake decorating class so I decided to make my first official cake a fire truck cake to thank them for all they do. They love it! Pictures below. 

New recipe

So tonight I tried a new recipe. Just threw a bunch of things from my pantry and fridge in a crock pot earlier today and it turned out pretty spectacular so I thought I'd share. Here's what you need: chicken breasts cut into inch wide strips about three inches long, 2 cans of chicken broth, 2 cans of cream of chicken soup, 2 packets of Italian dressing seasoning, 2 cups of rice. (After trying it, Josh and I decided carrots would make a nice addition too.) Here's what you do: throw it all in together and mix well, put lid on and cook on low for a few hours. Took me 4 to decide it was done. The chicken comes out super tender and perfectly seasoned. Make a veggie if you didn't add carrots and tada! poor mans meal and leftovers depending on how many you're serving. Enjoy! ;-) 

Fire Trucks, Cakes and Baby Toes

Alright, now that my home-life is starting to settle into a regular routine I believe I'm going to be able to be a regular blogger again. At least, I'm going to try to recommit to y'all. Trust me blogging hasn't dropped from my mind I'm just really committed to trying to sleep at night now that Addison has been waking up every few hours again. It's like going back to the every 2-3 hours of a newborn once we've been spoiled with a baby who slept 6-8 hour stretches just a short time ago. Well, actually it's been a month like this! Ah!

Anyway, Josh has been taking QRV days like it's going out of style. QRV days are 12 hour shifts on the Squad Truck. Basically he gets to go joyriding with a few other guys and assist on calls when needed for more than just one station. He loves doing this as a part time job. Same paycheck as working part time in a pizza joint or where-ever but he gets to come home at night to a late dinner after doing what he loves to do but in an even more free way. Miss Addison and I will be joining him for lunch tomorrow in fact. It'll be his last QRV day for a few weeks. I talked him into a break as the hot months start picking up. Firefighting is pretty intense labor-wise, especially in North Charleston where they are cutting up cars and dealing with fully involved buildings regularly.

I inquired about a job today that looks all on the up and up. 1) They are flexible with Josh's fire fighting schedule; meaning that on station days I can continue being a stay-at-home mom but on his off days I can work a few hours. 2) The pay is fairly decent for part time hours, which isn't common for this type of work. 3) I love that I can contribute just a little more to our family without it taking away completely from my SAHM status or breastfeeding Addi!

Also, Monday I start an official Wilton cake decoration course at Michael's! For those of you who have seen my past posts and know that I'm kind of awesome with a Ziploc bag and some scissors to make my flowers and leaves, you know how completely syked I am about using real frosting tips and bags. I will be posting pictures of all my beautiful creations, cakes or cookies. I'm mainly taking this course because growing up my mom made and decorated all our birthday cakes at home and Addison's 1 year birthday is quickly creeping up on us. I am giving myself plenty of time to take 2 courses over the course of 2 months if it all works out for me so I can learn (officially) how to make gorgeous buttercream flowers for Miss Addi's princess cake in September. (Yes, I already decided the theme when she's only 8 months old. Get over it.) ;P

Speaking of Addison...she is a speed crawler now in a variety of ways. She will criss-cross crawl with her opposite leg and arms pumping while on her knees, or she'll do the same thing but while on her tippy toes for more speed or traction. She is really working on balancing on her own little feet. She will pull up on everything verticle and has been letting go (grimace and panic inserted here) to see if she stays up. I don't think it'll be the end of July before she's walking in some form. She's getting so big so fast!

Well, I have to run. It's past my bedtime and I feel like painting my nails with Fushia Bling Bling - new color I picked up. It's hot! Keep an eye out for frosting on Monday!

The TMI Post

Well, you saw the title, last chance to turn back and save yourselves... Nope? Ok, here we go. Let me start by saying that I love my daughter. She is perfect and I loved being pregnant with her. I was one of the lucky women who manage to come through pregnancy mostly unscathed from varicose veins, extreme stretch marks, or that flabby pudge. Yay me! I'd also like to add that pregnancy is a wonderful, magical experience that changes a woman. Now when I talk about changes, I'm not just talking about the whole growing a human being from scratch thing, I'm talking about all the disgusting things that no one tells you about pregnancy that scar your body and brain forever like a horror movie you continue to have nightmares about.

It's all blamed on hormones and I say blame whatever you want, it's gross. To start, the cliche everyone has seen in every movie about pregnant people. Once your body realizes you are carrying such a precious material in your nether-regions, it floods with hormones that make you sick and filled with nausea at all times. It's not caused by food or smells though they can definitely help the trigger. One of my biggest fears my first trimester was upchucking in my car. And I'm one of the few people you meet who can sit in the backseat of a vehicle and read for hours without being sick. Turning around a parking garage trying to find a space was going to cause some nasty consequences I was sure. Luckily, I never did get physically ill in my car. Unluckily, it hit me right afterwards when I stepped out of the garage's elevator. The jerking motion of slowing to the ground below and the windows that looked into the street were a bad combo. I made it to a bush and that was that.

From your head to your toes, some interesting things occur to your outside person. Your hair falls out. Not in big cancerous-type clumps, but pretty close. Stepping out of the shower and combing your locks might leave you staring at the brush in panic and thinking of running to a wig shop or taking that beach cap out of the top of your closet. Don't worry. It's not noticeable to others and is normal. (I hope?! Just kidding!) Though some books and websites say that you'll retain your hair and it'll be flowing thick and shiny, in some cases it's a crock. Put it in a pony and wait it out.

If you wear contacts this next one is a doozy. Ready? The shape of your eyes change. No, I'm not kidding. The size of your iris shrinks so you're contacts will cover too much of your eyes. Don't go running out to change your prescription either because it will change back. In the meantime you'll either have to put up with it or switch back to your glasses for a while. I dealt with it because I had just purchased a years worth of contacts before the stick said yes. Just be aware that if you do chose that route as well, your eyes dry out twice as fast as they normally would and sometimes this gets painful.

Since I'm working downwards, I'm going to make a quick circle back to the mouth. Not only does nausea hit, and I'll go ahead and tell you chicken is the first meat you'll nix cause the thought of cleaning fat off it will have you running to the loo, but ironically, you'll drool like crazy. All the time and for no reason. Just brush your teeth over the sink.

Here's a scary thought, your boobs will have a mind of their own. Not only will they grow, sometimes rather rapidly causing those horrible stretch marks to appear, they might leak colostrum, a golden liquid that will nourish your baby immediately after birth. There's nothing you can do about it. It's just your body's way of gearing up to care for your tiny human once they're on the outside. Again, feel free to stuff pads wherever you want to stuff pads. Who thought you'd make it out of the teen years and still practice the art of stuffing your bra?

Speaking of stuffing pads places, you'll be buying more than one kind. One intensely awkward and embarrassing side effect side effect of those fun hormones is discharge. Yes, a white, filmy, sometimes sticky discharge from your va-jay-jay. Experts in books recommend using a sanitary pad to catch it and save your undies. Ew. Moving on!

Though it's freaky, it's also slightly a positive: long, strong fingernails. If you've always had weak ones relish in this and paint them fun colors to brighten your mood. If your nails are in pretty good shape already, they may appear to grow overnight and it'll get old clipping them fast. Especially if you have the forgetful part of pregnancy and lose the file. Take heart that once you stop the prenatal vitamins things should return to normal.

Lastly, I'm going to leave you with the thought that you could be leaving as well...to go to the shoe store. I'm talking big feet. Those lovely hormones cause your bones to relax and spread so that your tiny human can find their way out of your body and the side effects of that lead to big feet and possibly permanently bigger feet. If you're an optimist like I am, take it as an opportunity to renew your shoe collection. :)

A Mother's Confession

Everyone knows I love my daughter more than my life and that I would do anything for her. I did do something huge by having a Cesarean section. Obviously, I had no choice since she was complete breech and that was the only option for her to exit my body. Which she didn't want to do by the way. Dr. Lynch said she was trying to crawl up as they tugged her butt downwards. Though I love my daughter and would do anything for her, I have a secret confession...I hate my scar. I absolutely 100% can't stand it. And I'm not talking the shallow "it's not pretty, my body isn't perfect, I have a scar" I hate it; I mean I hate that it itches non-stop and continues to hurt even though Addison is now 4 1/2 months old. Wearing jeans all day, my most favorite comfortable form of clothing, now has me twitching at the end of the day and dying to take them off and exchange them for comfortable, loose-fitting sweats or yoga pants. The muscles underneath my scar ache periodically in either a jabbing pain or a constant ache. The scar itself isn't that horrible. It looks like a simple 4-inch scar. It's even below my tan line. The technique nowadays is to shave the top of the pubic hair and make the cut there. It's prettier that way so women can still wear a bikini again after this surgery (if they ever manage to get rid of the loose skin and feel like rocking one, which I totally will cause I love em). Plus being so low on the abdomen it prevents tearing both of the abdominal muscles and the skin in additional pregnancies. It all points to positive things.

Did you know research proves that 1 in every 3 women gives birth through a Cesarean? At a baby playgroup Addison and I attended the other day 3 of us 5 women had our children that way. Again, I was breech so no choice, the second woman had a 10lb 12oz baby boy so she had to because he wouldn't fit through her birth canal (she did 10 hours of labor just for the fun of it) and the last woman was having twins that both tried to come out at the same time. Eek! Most of the women I talk to that have had a section say that recovery wasn't so bad and their scars healed fine. I'm hoping that in about 5 years I can say the same as well. Maybe as my core continues to strengthen, it'll hurt less. Either way, I wouldn't trade my daughter's birth for any reason. Though it pains me sometimes I'll continue to look at my scar with pride. I did what I had to do to have Addison safely. That will always be the most important factor. And I'll do it again for the next baby if I'm not a candidate for VBAC (Vaginal Birth After Cesarean) because that's what good mother's do. They sacrifice what they want for the benefit of their children. And that's all I hope to be.

Andrew turns 12

Tomorrow is my nephew Andrew's 12th birthday. A big birthday. The last one before he's a teenager and the one where he can officially sit in the front seat of the car as an adult does. Which he's completely stoked about. So of course I made cupcakes. Crazy colored cupcakes. Green cake and multi-colored frosting.

Addison's Birth Story

Well, hi everyone! I've missed you and I've been thinking of you out here in cyberspace. In case no one told you, life with a new baby is busy busy BUSY! And yet all you do is sleep, eat, and take care of the baby. Maybe shower if you're quick. Josh and I are thrilled to have our little angel Addison in our arms instead of my belly but things have gotten more complicated with another person to care for, hence the lack of writing. But don't think I haven't thought about it every day. In fact, I'm sacrificing valuable sleep time right now. Most people could predict everyday life is a challenge in itself with a baby; we've all seen the minivans full of items, the giant showers, the suitcase-sized diaper bags that are in style, and the sleek, yet humungous jogging strollers that are all the fashion. I will admit that I own the latter two but only because I aim to always be prepared (always) and I actually do jog...or at least power walk energetically. You'd know that if you ever saw me in person. I passed little old ladies eight months pregnant with a dust cloud lingering behind.

Anyway, I've learned some things you can't know about parenting, unless, you are a parent of course, then you know everything and definitely more than I have learned in four months. Firstly, and what this post is mostly about is, no one tells you that it's absolutely terrifying to give birth. Whether you have a C-Section like I did (my little angel is also my little breech baby), or choose natural, which in my book is how it's supposed to happen, not no drugs (crazies!), but natural like most women have, a drug-aided vaginal birth. Any woman who chooses to have an optional Section is completely bonkers. Even if you know it's coming, it's still shocking to hear that it's officially time to cut you open and pull your baby out. Yes, with me and Addison, they really had to pull. She was borrowed up in my ribcage and even with contractions for two weeks and my eager walking, she wasn't turning or descending like babies are supposed to. Stubborn girl. I keep hearing she gets that from me but my family is nuts so who would believe them?

The day of Addison's birth was a perfect fall day and if I had slept more the night before I might not have gotten the jitters stepping into the O.R. but she wasn't supposed to be delivered until the early morning of September 25th and my darling (stubborn) girl decided her birthday was going to be September 20th. No matter what. Or my body decided that was her birthday. Depends on how you look at it I guess. I started having the serious get-this-human-out-soon contractions at 36 weeks along, two weeks before Addison entered the world. In fact, Josh and I actually did three overnight stays at the hospital before our official the-baby-is-here stay during that two week period. Talk about getting your money's worth out of the insurance company. The first night, September 8th, they stopped labor with meds and ordered bed-rest for four excruciating days. The second night a few days later, I was told even though I was clearly in labor, that I wasn't "in labor" until I was dilated a little. A couple days and a lot of walking after that, September 19, we were back on that baby floor in the hospital and I was 1 official centimeter, but due to some confusion and lack of communication, the on-call doc sent me home late in the night, or wee hours of the morning. The next morning around 9am I put in a call to talk to MY doctor and nurse and got asked to come in.

I'm not gonna say I was in no hurry to rush back...oh what the heck. We took our sweet time. I was tired of being told the contractions were pointless because she was breech - talk about pain for no good reason. I mean when your Mama said "Stop crying or I'm gonna give you a reason to cry", you had no idea that Karma would come b***h-slap you in the face with labor pain for no apparent reason because your daughter is breech. Or I didn't anyway. Stupid Karma. Labor for a breech baby is a reason to cry people. That last night when we went to the hospital I have this vague memory of Josh asking me why I was silently painting my nails and walking around downstairs. My sister explained to him that I was "distracting" myself. That was his cue to put me in the car yet again. When I get quiet, it's serious. I'm getting off topic...The morning of September 20th, after I called the GYNO office and was assured MY people would return soon, I took a shower. I shaved my legs, which is my way of hinting it was a long shower. Those of you who have shaved your legs with a basketball on your torso sympathize. In fact, I was halfway done with my left leg when the return call came. Of course, Dr. Lynch wanted me to come in so she could check me for herself. I agreed to head that way. (The hospital is literally 10-15 minutes away.) I was partially happy to know that at least it'd be a familiar face down there to tell me that I was waiting five more days til the scheduled Section. The call came at about 11am or just before.

I finished showering and dressed, told my mom (who came to the hospital in the middle of the night then crashed on my couch when we were sent home) that I was wasting more gas and then Josh and I walked around the neighborhood. Yeap, we took a nice leisurely stroll holding hands and talking about the fall leaves and how we weren't going to get excited or even take our bags this time. We were just going to get "checked" then come home and relax. We didn't even take the car with the carseat after our walk. And when we got to the hospital, I suggested we walk around the parking lot. We actually got a call from my nurse as we finally made our way into the building around 12:15pm to ensure we were still coming.

Once we arrived at the GYNO office, we were whisked in the back and I was hooked up to a contraction monitor for twenty minutes. Josh was on both our iPhones telling both our moms to "turn around, we don't know anything yet" when Dr. Lynch came in and announced it was baby time. I didn't believe her. "Today? Are you sure?" She said she was and off we were, for the last time, to the baby wing. An absolute whirlwind followed the next half hour. Josh jumped on the phone to the Moms, who were both headed AWAY from the hospital and asked them to spread the word that it was officially official and turn the heck around fast. My mom had to complete her route back to our house and speed-racer her way to the O.R./baby wing because Josh was in flip-flops and needed real shoes. While he was doing that I was changed, monitored, hugged, introduced to a million nurses, some of which I had met from previous visits, poked with a couple needles, and at last told to wheel my I.V. across the hall. Josh looked a tad nervous but mostly so super cute, excited and ready. His mom hugged me tight, kissed my head and wished me well and then, barely in time, my mom ran through the door.

As much as you try to grow up and become your own person away from your parents, there is absolutely one time a chick needs her mommy, ladies and giving-birth moments are IT. Even though my mom was able to deliver all her babies naturally, again I mean vaginally with drugs, and she could in no way tell me what I was about to experience from a real-life perspective, it's just a reassuring thought to know the person who brought you into the world is present in the building as you prepare to do the same. And for Josh, I'd also like to do a shout out to all the daddy's who are able to witness and help their spouse through this amazing though terrifying moment. Mom hugged me and wished me luck and we teared up like we both do at all my big moments. We're so sappy.

Josh and I walked across the hall to the big O.R. doors holding hands and then he was instructed to sit and wait in the hall while I forged ahead alone. We kissed and as he sat he realized he forgot the camera. He tried to shrug and 'oh well' it away but I made my wishes known. "Go get your iPhone! We can't not have pictures Josh!" The nurse assured him they'd let him back in and I stepped through the double doors. Now, I'm not going to say my whole birthing experience was negative. My daughter's birthday was a day I'll never forget and so far, has been the most special day of my life. However, whoever decided it was "sterile" for the hormonal, nervous, excited, terrified, first-time parent, who is did I mention hormonal(?!) to enter the O.R., get jabbed with two giant needles and stripped basically naked in front of at least six strangers technically "alone" I'd love to have a little one-on-one with. I cried of course. I was shocked how fast all this was happening, it had been 45 minutes since we entered the premises, and I barely paid attention to the C-Section part of the birthing class, and this wasn't how I had pictured this day. I had wanted my mom and Josh by my side as I pushed my daughter into the world the way I was made to.

I could spell relief nine different ways when the doc let Josh in. They sounded off and walked me through what was happening. Dr. Lynch asked me about Addison's nursery and how we came up with her name and things like that to help keep me calm and the anesthesiologist took Josh's phone and snapped pictures so Josh could be with me. Then I heard the most earth-stopping sound - Addison's first cry. It was 1:41pm. She appeared to the left side of me and I, sappy as I am, cried again and watched her be quickly toweled off, weighed, measured and placed skin-to-skin with me on my chest. She was beautiful. Everyone says that about their own kid, but let me assure you, Addison was perfect and so tiny and perfect. After a few minutes, I let her go to Josh and the second earth-stopping event occurred when my husband became a father who held his daughter for the first time. I could see the love pour from him. I took the phone and snapped his picture and sent it to our moms in the waiting room along with some other birth shots.

Then it happened. My lungs were being ripped from my body. Now, I have been known to have a tad of a dramatic side and I've heard all women have different Section experiences but I actually could not breathe. Apparently I turned quite white because Josh was looking at me and turned to hand Addison to a nurse and see what the heck was happening. He seriously yelled at the anathesiologist to pay attention and figure out what was wrong. This wasn't some Soap Opera scene and that was about as dramatic as it got but it was pretty scary. Fact was, I just felt like a monster truck was slowly driving over my ribcage. Dr. Lynch explained that she was just removing the after birth and would be done in a second but it was by far a very terrifying moment for me. Probably mostly because I had no idea it was going to happen. After only a few minutes of Josh coaching me and calming me, which felt like a half hour of holding my breath to me, I was told they were closing me up and that nurses would be taking Addison to the nursery for a bit for further attention. I told Josh to go with her and stayed on the table for fifteen more minutes until we were all reunited in the recovery room and more bonding and oohing occurred.

It wasn't the day I had pictured or how I wanted Addison to enter the world, my mom wasn't at my side and I didn't get to push...but I wouldn't trade a second of it. Even the pain. Well, maybe the pain. After two straight weeks of contractions, I'd pass on the rib-crushing if I could. But that was our day and our experience. It was what it was and it brought me Addison so who am I to be complaining? That leads me to the second thing I've learned about being a parent - like most other things in life, you have to go with the flow. My daughter was delivered as safely as possible under the circumstances for a complete breech and I still found ways to include the people I wanted to. I've heard most moms don't get the delivery they have in mind. In a little over an hour, I was a mom and I've been rolling with it ever since. Now, to bed!