Christmas & New Years for the Pets

The vet that took Hunter's xrays last year sent us some cool stuff I thought I'd share. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

A list of rules to read to your pet (unless you taught them to read!):
1. Be especially patient with your humans during this time. They may appear to be more stressed-out than usual and they will appreciate long comforting dog leans.
2. They may come home with large bags of things they call gifts. Do not assume that all the gifts are yours.
3. Be tolerant if your humans put decorations on you. They seem to get some special kind of pleasure out of seeing how you look with fake antlers.
4. They may bring a large tree into the house and set it up in a prominent place and cover it with lights and decorations. Bizarre as this may seem to you, it is an important ritual for your humans, so there are some things you need to know:
*don't pee on the tree
*don't drink the water in the container that holds the tree
*mind your tail when you are near the tree
*if there are packages under the tree, even ones that smell interesting or that have your name on them, don't rip them open
*don't chew on the cord that runs from the funny-looking hole in the wall to the tree
5. Your humans may occasionally invite lots of strangers to come visit during this season. These parties can be lots of fun, but they also call for some discretion on your part:
*not all strangers appreciate kisses and leans
*don't eat off the buffet table
*beg for goodies subtly
*be pleasant, even if unknowing strangers are sitting on your couch
*don't drink out of glasses that are left within your reach
6. Likewise, your humans may take you visiting. Here your manners will also be important:
*observe all the rules in #4 for trees that may be in other people's houses
*respect the territory of other animals that may live in the house
*tolerate children
*turn on your charm big time
7. A big man with a white beard and a very loud laugh may emerge from your fireplace in the middle of the night. DON'T BITE HIM!

A Cat's New Years Resolutions:
I will not slurp fish food from the surface of the aquarium.
I must not help myself to Q-Tips, and I must certainly not proceed to stuff them down the sink's drain.
I will not stand on the bathroom counter, stare down the hall, and growl at NOTHING after my humans has finished watching the X-Files.
I will not use the bathtub to store live mice for late-night snacks.
I will not perch on my human's chest in the middle of the night and stare into her eyes until she wakes up.
We will not play Herd of Thundering Wildebeests Stampeding Across the Plains of the Serengeti over any human' bed while they are trying to sleep.
I will not assume the patio door is open when I race outside to chase leaves.
I will not intrude on my human's candle-lit bubble bath and singe my bottom.

A Dog's New Years Resolutions:
I will stop trying to find the few remaining clean pieces of carpet in the house when I am about to throw up.
I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc.
I will not eat other animal's poop.
I will not lick my human's face after eating animal poop.
I will not eat my own vomit.
I will not eat "kitty box crunchies".
I will not chew my human's toothbrush for flavor and not tell them.
I will not chew crayons or pens.
I will not bark each time I hear the doorbell on tv.
I will not walk under the big dog when he is peeing.
I will not steal Mom's underwear and dance all over the backyard with it.
I will not play tug-a-war with Dad's underwear when he is on the toilet.
My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
The couch is not a face towel. Neither are Mom and Dad's laps.
The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff.
I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house.

Punch-drunk Elves!

Oh no! Santa's best helpers got a little carried away at the Christmas party! Hope they sober up soon and get back to work :)