Life is a little thing

Little emotional rant: I'm having a hard time sleeping tonight...Josh had a hard day on the squad truck. He wouldn't give me any details because he doesn't ever want to upset me, but he had to go on a call around dinner time where a 6 month old baby was shot on the porch on a home in North Charleston. The news reported at 11 that it was inside and looked like the 4 year old sibling had found a gun to play with while the mother was in the yard...but Josh said it didn't look that way to him and that the baby had been left alone on the porch when responders arrived. He wasn't sure what the outcome would be since the baby had lost so much blood. Neighbors didn't see anything and only heard the shot. Where were the parents? Where was anybody? While this horrible moment was happening and Josh was dealing with it, I was playing with Addison's toes and watching her eat her watermelon and practice her sippy cup. 2 nights ago I finished her quilt and I went in there tonight while she was sleeping covered in it to just look at her and see that she is whole and safe and it occurred to me that I would do anything for her. People say things like that all the time but I would no hesitation jump in front of a bullet for that magical creature who sometimes makes me crazy and sleep deprived. I hate that Josh has to see incidents like that while on the job. It can't be easy and I can tell that since we've had Addison and become pregnant with Baby that it effects him a little more. When he called he asked me to hug her and Baby until he got home and could do it himself. I did and what I didn't tell him, what I don't tell anyone, is that I'm so glad it wasn't me. I don't think I'm strong enough to see that. Or is it just because I would rather be tortured for months than see my sweet baby girl hurt for a second? I couldn't sleep last night because Addison had nightmares every hour and tonight I can't sleep because I feel the pain of someone who's baby has a hole in them because they weren't watching, or worse, put it there themselves. I feel for the people who responded to the call, the doctors who had to operate on an innocent baby. I'm sure they all went home to hug their babies, be grateful that isn't their world. I am too. I'll take sleep deprived hours and playing with little baby toes any day.