Marriage in Your Twenties Isn’t So Abnormal Anymore

Past Divorces Push College Students to Sincerely Say Their Vows

Most college students aren’t thinking about marriage. Or they are but for the “future”, you know, “after college”. I’m not one of those students. I have been dating my fiancé since my junior year of high school. I didn’t see marriage in my near future at the time, but when he asked me last June, I couldn’t imagine saying no. Talking to others both older and my age about my engagement causes me to wonder why young marriage is so looked down upon?

I understand that attending college and getting married don’t normally go hand-in-hand. They are two major events in a person’s life that both require time, effort, thought and a lot of money. College is an important time of personal growth and development in life, while marriage is the act of choosing to spend that life with someone you love. To older generations, getting married while in college may be the equivalent of getting married too young, but in today’s society more college students are deciding that taking the plunge shouldn’t always wait on the matter of time.

In today’s world marriage vows aren’t often as sacred as they used to be compared to my grandparents era. During that time, vows spoken were meant and both people went into the marriage believing that they could, and would, work through problems and difficulties together instead of utilizing the fall-back plan of divorce. Since divorce is so very common, it may be the hidden pushing factor for people in their twenties to get married with confidence instead of doubt. A large majority of students come from families who have suffered from divorce and instead of allowing their past to create a fear of marriage, they declare instead to be stronger than the generation that raised them, both being certain in their choices.

I completely understand the reactions I receive occasionally when college students my own age realize that I’m getting married. Though most express joy that I seem so confident and happy, others are curious as to “why now?” I personally don’t think I should have to wait two more years to marry my best friend when we’ve already spent three years together. One common “mistake” people claim is made by getting married in their twenties is that those tying the knot will grow apart as they continue to mature. I agree that is a valid point, on the other hand though, growing with someone I love from a younger age gives us more time to grow together. For example, I will have a partner to help my moral when classes get difficult and giving up on school looks good. When the time comes to search for a permanent job, I will also have someone to aid my application completion for the perfect location and salary. Speaking of money, it is also nice to know that I will have financial support with an extra income right after I graduate and not have to live in an apartment with roommates until I have enough saved up. Plus we would have a few extra years to save, adjust and plan for starting a family. Though not all college students are thinking about marriage, I am and I feel lucky that both of these major life experiences can be shared.

Tagged

So since I was tagged in Carrie's blog I have to tell my 5 obsessions. Here we go!

1) I try to read at least 100 pages of my current book everyday before bed. And if during those 100 pages I finish my current book, I read the first chapter or two of the one I have lined up to read next.
2) Even my text messages must have excellent grammar or it really bothers me.
3) I love a sparkling clean sink with no dishes in it so I'm obsessed with placing everything immediately in the dishwasher or hand-washing it.
4) My mini library must be organized by author and then publishing date even if that means I have to shift all the books to make room for a recently finished one.
5) I have to have my camera with me always. I feel that one could never know when a key moment needs to be captured on film.

Margarita Is Dead

Well, the money pit can't get any deeper really. First, we have the wedding bands to pay off, then the regular monthly bills including morgage, phone, electric and water. Of course we need food for us and the dogs too. With the addition of the wedding costs this year, we've been saving and pinching where-ever we could. (Please note that when I say "we" I mean "mostly Josh".) Josh is really good at it too. Took me making him watch a couple Dave Ramsey DVDs but he caught the saving bug and hoarded as much as he could in the safe. With the new Domino's part-time job he's been happy to receive some generous tips and gripe when he receives a dollar fifty. He had a significant amount saved, not millions, but enough for an emergency which is exactly what occured when I was driving home this weekend. The "Check Engine" light came on about 30 miles from Mount Pleasant.

Now to clarify, I know that cars need the oil changed often, the tires require air to roll and the basic theory of changing one, and which tube to pour the windshield wiper fluid in. Sadly, that's majority of my knowledge though I am learning more with Josh's instruction. After taking the car to the AAA down the road on Sunday, we learned that the transmission needs to be replaced, the radiator needs to be replaced, the timing belt needs to be replaced, the car needs a general tune-up and the oil is about due to be changed again. Keeping in mind that my car is 12 years old, it could be worse. The main thing is that we don't have the $3,000-$4,000 needed to repair it. So my faithful, freshly-cleaned Margarita is basically dead to me.

Josh's plan now is to buy a used transmission that would fit my car and fix some of the minor things, then sell it for what we can get and move me up to a newer car. Dum dum dum. I'll survive, but I'll miss Margarita. We had some great times together; learning to drive, going to school every morning, taking dogs to the park or doggie wash, driving to Charleston from home and home from Charleston, and trips to the beach with college friends. But now that I guess that our time together is coming to a close, I suppose that I should wish for another faithful and reliable car just like Margarita has been. Off to cartrader, craiglist, kbb and all the others!

When We Smile

Today was a very pleasant day that seemed to combine exactly what I am now as a college student and what I will become as a fireman's wife. This morning I woke up to my best friend and roomie, Katie, playing me a funny birthday song on her computer. (Though my day didn't revolve soley around my birthday, it was lovely.) After classes ended at twelve, Mom and John visited and Josh drove over the bridge from Mount Pleasant so we could all go look at the ceremony / reception locations and enjoy a lunch at Sticky Fingers with some of my friends for my birthday.

The moment that seems to stick with me most from today was visiting at the Palmer Home. As we moseyed through the antique-filled room with large windows over looking the bay, planning where to place chairs and how to walk with grandfathers, I realized that I have already moved into my own life just as any little girl would wait to "grow up". I am there. And then I realized that everything, person, situation and event before the moment I stand up there and say my vows to the most amazing man I have ever known, has made me who I am today. Taking pictures of the room to remember for the small additions of decorations, we snap a picture in front of the alcove where we will become man and wife. Looking back at those pictures at the end of today I realized that I am the luckiest woman on earth in every aspect of my life. I have many parents and grandparents who would go to the moon for me, as well as aunts and uncles. I have genuine friends who take care of me and help me to keep my sanity. I have my health, a roof over my head every night, food in my stomach for each meal, and I am getting a valued education. Mostly though, I am planning my life along with my best friend; a man who understands me and accepts me for exactly who I am, but also loves me for it.

While we posed for the picture to test the light, background, and placing of everyone, Josh and I look at each other and smile. Not only are we smiling though, I'm near laughing I'm so overcome with wonderful emotions and looking into his eyes I see it all. We are exactly were we want to be. We are lucky, loved and happy. It won't always be this way but we expect that. If it isn't rough or bumpy along the way, it won't be worth sticking through. Walking with him today, and plotting reception details with Mom and John just makes me all that much happier as I see our day. The wedding isn't my whole life this year, in fact I wish I had more time in each day to look for things I like or dislike in various senarios, but the little bits and pieces I have and Josh's smile today say it all. Anyone can read anything we think when we smile.

It's All Coming Together!

Wednesday, Mom and I looked at and booked the Charleston Yacht Club for mine and Josh's wedding reception! The Starlight room is a lovely large room with seven floor-to-ceiling windows, golden wood floors, and large wooden rafters from which hang delicate white Christmas lights. As we roamed around the room and talked about decorations and how to set everything up to "flow", I realized that I can "see it" now. I can look at that empty space and see the multiple different ways to dress tables and chairs, where the gift table and cake would go. It feels so good.

After the Yacht Club visit, we went to the Palmer Home B&B where we will be married and viewed what we could from the outside. This Wednesday, (my birthday) Mom, John, Josh and I will go back to both locations and decide whether to get married inside or out, how to place tables and chairs, and just be happy that we were lucky enough to find each other... By the way, if anyone has any decorating tips for draping on windows or unique ideas for tablecloths just send me a quick message! I'm open for ideas. :) Life is good. Be happy.