Fire Family: A Post About The Fire Wife

Being a firefighter's wife takes a certain kind of person. Honestly, I didn't know I was that kind of person when Josh and I started dating 7 years ago. My family of origination have always called me dramatic, eccentric, loud, talkative...you get the idea. And I certainly am all of those things. I'm also pushy, stubborn, opinionated, determined and occasionally selfish. But as Josh's wife, as a firefighter's wife, I also have to have the ability to stretch myself to be whatever he and our family needs. And being that flexible, though it isn't always easy (and sometimes I wonder if it's possible) makes our little family tick.

I have to listen, even to the things that aren't said. I have to be able to read between the lines when he says "11 calls yesterday, 3 last night". That translates to me needing to handle the babies on my own for at least part of the day so he can rest and maybe nap. 3 nighttime calls means he had to get up and lose valuable sleep, even if they end up doing nothing on a call. Day or night, firefighter's still have to jump on the truck/engine, gear up on scene and prepare to act, doing whatever is necessary, though sometimes that means just standing by. Last shift they were at a meth lab from 3am to 830am. It was the 3rd meth lab Josh has been in these last 2 weeks.

That brings me to the emotional side of things. Another thing my family of origination says I am. And I am a crier so I'm going to do this quickly. My husband, the father of my children, my support system, my better half, puts his life on the line every time he leaves his "women" to go on-shift. There is no telling what the day will bring him to in this busy city and, though I don't like to think about it, the possibility of him not returning. He would say, like he always does, "Death is a part of life" but I am just not willing to accept that part for at least another 60 years.

On the other side of emotional, I have to be willing to lend an ear if he wants to talk about a difficult call, which isn't often, so when Josh does talk, it's important. A few months before Loralei was born he went on a call where a baby had been shot. Addi was 11 months old and the baby was about 6 months I believe. I think it was the first call that really hit home for Josh since having Addison. They arrived on scene to this little bleeding baby and helped get her to the hospital and Josh wasn't ever able to find out if she was ok or not. The hospital wouldn't release her stats or even give her a lovey he had purchased for her to snuggle with like Addison loves hers. And just a few days ago he had to respond to a call in our neighborhood and stopped in afterwards really quick to say hi. A kind 70 year-old man, who sat out front in his chair every evening watching his grandkids play, who waved to neighbors as they drove by, passed away in his sleep and the family didn't know he was dead. Josh had to tell them.

Though it's difficult for me to understand how he can see this type of thing so often, encounter this sadness more than most of us have to and be ok, he just does. It's part of the job. It amazes me and I can see the true joy he has in being around our family because of it. And knowing that life really is fleeting, seeing that and knowing that we really don't know how much time we have, it makes me a kinder person. It doesn't matter if both the girls were crying all day while he was at the station and I have been running non-stop from 5am to 1130pm alone, I still tell our girls I love them 100 times a day and kiss them and hold them as much as they allow. Josh and I tell each other good night every night. No matter how late I have to wait up for the call. You never know what could happen.

Speaking of being alone while my fireman does his thing, loneliness is a big part of being a firefighter's wife. I married Josh knowing that I would miss about 1/3 of his life. Every third night, I sleep alone. If you think that a joy, you have no idea the good a nighttime snuggle does for a relationship. Plus it means I have to be used to sleeping with someone and without someone. (I.E. he's a cover-hog and I freeze or I am cocooned and strangled.) 1/3 of the everyday family dinners, holidays, our marriage, the girls' lives and homework/plays/activities he will miss out on. 1/3 of my life I will basically be a single mother, taking care of the girls, bringing them where-ever, preparing meals, giving baths, all by myself. It's not an easy thing to know and walk into. Luckily for me, I have his family and mine close by for anything from emergencies to bringing food to holding a baby so I can shower.

We have fire family too. Need a carpenter? A plumber? Someone to help fix your car? Chances are there is a firefighter with a second job in the profession who can lend a hand, or advice. I often bake cakes for the station in thanks and just because. If you can't count on family, who can you count on? So in the long way around I guess I'm saying the fire service, though it is tough on a family, on a person, has improved us and ours. I never thought I could be as strong a woman as I have become, but I am. I have to be. I'm a firefighter's wife.