I Can Do It All - With A Baby On Each Hip

We've all seen the two main types of moms of multiple littles while in the grocery store…the one who has her shit together moving as smoothly as NASA engineers launching a rocket with not one hiccup (three-two-one-blast off!), and the one who can barely manage to keep her kids in her line-of-sight, tossing anything within reach into the buggy. Sloppy Joe sauce and black beans…I can make a decent meal with this! Hell, not only have you seen both these types of moms you have probably been both at some point right?

I'm here to tell you that I definitely have. You have to totally screw it all up first to figure out how to do it right, right? Yes. The first time I was truly out of the house after Addison was born was to go to the mall and dinner with my husband, Josh, and my mom, when Addison was about two months old. It was also the first time I had to feed Addison in public. Well, in public was actually hiding away in the center of the large bathroom stall standing up with my nursing cover on in Olive Garden. Five minutes before that she peed all over the changing pad, new diaper yet to be placed on her bum, her outfit and even onto the floor. I count my blessings that she didn't somehow manage to pee on me as well. To this day, I barely remember how I changed her and cleaned up the mess while holding my giant over-stuffed diaper bag. I just knew I had to. I ended up taking my fidgety baby to the car to finish nursing while my mom and husband finished dinner without me, bringing me a to-go box later. I consider it a success, no?

So now that I have two tiny humans, one breastfed and one eating food food, you might be wondering, like many other's who have yet to have multiples, what's the secret to being a mother of two under two? Mostly, for me, it's faking it and a can-do attitude. I've always had the optimistic attitude and the faking it just takes a little practice. Maybe three weeks worth? My brother's girlfriend came over last week and watched amazed while I unfolded and snapped into place Addison's high chair one-handed and swung her into it all while wearing Loralei strapped to my chest in the Moby wrap. Then as I ran between letting dogs in and out, making a sandwich, fetching a juice cup, picking food up off the floor, preparing my own lunch, grabbing some fruit, running for a rag to clean up with…"Uh, can I help you?" she asked. "Naw, I got it," I said back honestly.

What can I say? I have had plenty of practice. I literally do this all day every day. The main thing is you just do what you gotta do to keep the tiny humans happy. What ever makes them happy. Within reason of course. Don't go tossing ice cream cones and candy in the air while you announce there will never be nap time or pajamas again. That's just crazy. At this stage of life for Loralei, being happy is mostly just boobs. Sorry to say but those ladies are her joyous little world. And it's a nice world. It's so simple to make her happy. For me anyway. Hubs is just gonna have to figure something else out there. I was in the shower a few weeks ago and he kept telling me she was hungry, "She's sucking on my arm!" he yelled. "Let her!" I called back. Haha, maybe that arm hickey will make him realize how brutal breastfeeding is.

 Keeping Addison happy is a totally different story. She can move and climb and therefore requires constant supervision. If she's doing something dangerous and you request she stop, some demon toddler takes over her body and she will flail and scream and cry crocodile tears, my sweet angel having fled the scene. Hello Satan, have you seen my darling little girl?? And trust me, if you blink, she's into something dangerous. Seriously, she can scale the drier. Seriously. She's standing on my left having just pushed the wet darks into the drier and I bend and reach to my right to grab some lights to toss in the open wash and as I stand back up she's just there, sitting on the drier grinning at me. Uh, ok then. So I have to be more versatile and ready to run with her. She doesn't care if I'm changing Loralei, nursing, peeing, vacuuming, whatever, when she wants to throw the ball, it's time to throw the ball. That's how toddlers work. It's their little world, we just live in it. If you can accept that fact, then having two under two becomes understandable.

A firefighter's wife asked me the other day if it was "doable" to have two kids so young. (She's contemplating it as her first-born child turned one at the end of last month.) I told her it's completely doable if you like a challenge. In the event of a melt-down, or every day before dinner, you just have to know who to handle first. The trick is to make the bigger tiny human happy first. Their needs are just more complicated to decipher as they can't yet talk but still have demands. Once you figure out what it is they want (such as attention, a snack, a drink) make that happen then make the little tiny human happy. (Read about the boobs again above. ^)

So, yes, I can read a book with a toddler on my lap, fill a sippy cup, switch laundry from the washer to the drier, make a sandwich…all one-handed or while nursing. I will whole-heartedly admit that I sucked capital S at this the first few weeks when Josh's paternity leave ended, but when you're the only one home with two crying babies, three dogs barking at the doorbell, and the drier buzzing in your ear, you just figure it out. There is no alternative. This…is…SPARTA!

Oh, and baby-wear when you grocery shop. They can't run if they are strapped to you!