An Apology

I just want to come out and say I'm sorry... I'm sorry I don't return your calls for days. I'm sorry I don't call in the first place. I'm sorry I can't reply to your texts, but that Addison does. I'm sorry that we don't meet up and hang out anymore. I'm sorry I can't enjoy a meal in a restaurant that requires us to stay longer than 30 minutes tops. I'm sorry all I can talk about is my kids and their latest "discovery". I'm sorry I can't continue to look at your face when we talk because I'm running after a baby, but I promise I am listening...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=36OKi1DRgoA

If you click the link above and watch the short clip, you get a small glimpse into a stay-at-home-mom's life. Though we love it, and cherish it, every day can sometimes seem like a battle to win and in the accomplishing of chores we lose those valuable relationships we used to have with other family and friends. Basically, unless you currently have a tiny human of your own to care for, we are just at a loss of what to do with you now. Our whole lives, day-to-day functions, purposes for existing, are tiny human related. Always.

I can't hear you on the phone so I don't call. Someone is always loud in the background and you'll end up feeling neglected because I keep going "Sorry, what?". If you text me, I can reply quickly in the middle of most tasks but there is also a chance that Addison will be the one responding with a series of scrambled numbers and letters. I can't go anywhere that requires me to leave my little one's for long because I am their main source of care/food. I can't go anywhere that requires my little one's to sit still for more than a half hour. They just aren't capable at this age. If I can manage to go somewhere with you it should preferably be somewhere I can breastfeed without judgement, child-proofed a little so Addi can run happily free, and please, let it provide snacks. We are always snacking. It's hard for me to uphold a decent conversation unless you brought your own tiny human to entertain mine but I'll do my best. I can't promise it'll be anything interesting to you unless you are excited about potty-training or something as mundane-sounding as learning to sit up.

It might seem bland and repetitive to you, but this is my life. They are my whole world. And I like my world. But I do miss you. You should know that. I miss our long conversations and leisurely meals together and the ability to go to events with you. But I also won't miss them forever. My girls will grow so quickly. They already are. I don't want to miss these seemingly mundane days. To you Loralei is just laying on her belly, to me she's lifting her head higher than yesterday and the big grin on her face matches mine as she grasps a new skill vital to life. And as you watch Addison point to her nose and toes and belly when asked, know that I taught her that. Part by part she is discovering her body, her current mysterious struggle is the elbow. It just keeps hiding behind her arm you see. I promise that one day I will come back to you, and please please please don't stop trying to call, go, and visit with me. Just know that I am thinking of you in my loud world and waiting to hear from you, go with you, see you, but right now we are trying to find an elbow...