So to begin Loralei's birth story is to start on January 19th. It was a Monday and generally our grocery shopping/errand day so Josh, Addison and I got up and got ready to head out of the house. Standing and walking made the contractions stronger but after 2 weeks of them I was adjusting to coping with pain like a champ. We took our time wandering Target through the baby section to toys to household goods and cleaning products and lastly to food. (Word to the wise, don't grocery shop while pregnant without a list. If you forget a list just avoid it all together and go home. Without a list of what you actually need you put some very odd items in the buggy thinking they sound good then get home and have no idea what to cook for the week.) Josh noticed I was stopping to breathe through an occasional contraction and would ask me if I was alright, but I just brushed him off and we forged on. After checking out we simply loaded all our bags into the Element and drove home.
We unloaded the car and Josh started to make sandwiches instructing me to sit down on the couch and rest for a bit. The afternoon passed by for me in a haze of pain. Josh and Addison played and worked on the car and took dogs for walks and I breathed through contractions. At 1:30PM I was having intense contractions, but only about 3 an hour. Nothing to be wary about. Certainly nothing to call the doctor for. 3 contractions an hour was my regular for 2 weeks remember? Around 3:30PM the contractions were up to 4-5 an hour, coming every 14-20 minutes. They were pretty strong compared to others but I wasn't worried. It had been happening like that for weeks. Literally weeks. And we had already done 2 overnights in the hospital because I was having painful contractions 8-10 minutes apart. 8-10 minutes apart means you should be about 4 centimeters dilated and halfway to Newborn Town, in case you don't know. I know what you're thinking by now. I am a pansy. I cry wolf every time my stomach growls. Let me finish here people...
My brother came in around 5:00PM and I was sitting in the recliner. More like perched on the edge staring daggers at the floor breathing the slow rhythmic breaths they do in the movies, my hands clawed into my torso. "Uh, Josh?" he called. "Yeah?" came the reply. "Amanda's having contractions." He looked at me a little pale and he was eyeing me like you do the pacing tiger in the zoo; nervous. "I know," Josh called back. Ryan looked alarmed at the casual response, his eyes widening, and he glanced at me to see if I accepted Josh's answer and then asked me if I was ok. Looking back it's a funny encounter but at the time I told him thanks I was fine. It was normal. None-the-less he decided to sit on the couch and be near "just in case you need something".
I can't believe this but I forgot to add a crucial part to this story…NO ONE WAS HERE! I mean Josh was here of course, but my mom was in Florida until like 2PM, Don was out of state as well and Ann was in Columbia 2 hours away! (Don and Ann are Josh's parents and vitally important to the birthing experience.) Josh informed them all that we were probably going to the hospital shortly but I refused to go until they were back in Charleston County. All of them. I was seriously freaking out about it. (When Addison was born, my mom and Ann barely made it there beforehand. My mom ran into our room as I was walking shakily to the OR.) Well with everyone called and driving back this direction, and it was now time to pack the car because I could tell now that I could barely stand from the pain that we were definitely going to the hospital soon. Probably should have already but I didn't want Addison to be freaked out by what was happening when we went running out the door back to the hospital. She had already had experience with people poking her Mommy and Mommy crying and wasn't keen on it.
Around 7PM, Ann came through the front door and scooped Addison up, Josh slapped the car seat in her car with her belongings and we pretty much bolted out the door. I cried of course because it's what I do when any level of emotions are involved. I had already had one over night away from my baby in the hospital and it was hard but I trusted Ann and knew she'd do a great job keeping Addison happy/distracted while I focused on her new sister. They strapped in and promised to meet us later when new sister Loralei had arrived.
Now let me talk about Holly for a minute... My sister promised me she would be arriving around 2-3PM after our grocery shopping and texted me at 3:30PM that she was just then doing her hair!
She still seems to think that it's hilarious that I was writhing in pain hoping for a distraction while she was busy making herself pretty. To her credit she did arrive before anyone else and helped watch Addison while Josh packed everyone's belongings into the cars and made me laugh a little through some of the pain. We'll just see how long it takes me to do MY hair while you're in labor this January Miss Holly.
Once everyone was loaded into their own car, we all headed safely to Mount Pleasant to the hospital. Not. I'm sure Ann drove very safely with her gbaby in the car but Josh drove like he was in the firetruck and Holly sped along behind us as if she was a NASCAR driver on the side. I think we actually hit 96 mph at one point. While I did my best to hold my breath, belly and bladder, Holly called me to let me know that Mom had called her and was only an hour behind us but forgot her reading glasses and was wondering if we could stop to buy her a pair? Uhm, sure Mom. Once we arrived in Mt. Pleasant, we swung into a CVS on 17 a few miles short of the hospital and Josh and Holly ran in because Holly wanted to make sure the glasses looked ok. Way to have your priorities in order people. I had two contractions while waiting. When Josh got back in the car and saw me he-he-hoing, he sped off again and left Holly in the parking lot.
We arrived at the hospital entrance, unloaded ourselves and our bags because we knew even if tonight wasn't the night, it would at least be an overnight again. I was hooked up to the dreaded monitors that measure the baby's heart rate and contractions and we began the process. Nurses entered to put me on an IV, ask the health questions they asked at each visit, address any religious issues, ask for a birth plan, and then wait for the doctor. Josh had made himself comfortable and had already gone to the room next door to take the couch that folds into a twin-sized bed and bring it back, wheel the squeaky uncomfortable chair over there, plug in his phone to charge for baby pictures, grab the camera from the bag and be playing his game thingy. Like he's done this a few times or something.
Just as we end up alone and get a chance to look at each other and breathe, Ann and Addison come in! Hooray! I needed to see that sweet sleepy face and get some baby loving. As much as I already loved her sister though she had yet to show her face, Addison and I had bonded more. It was somewhere around 8:00PM at this point and I was still stopping to breathe though contractions. Nurses came to check in and doc would be here soon. Knock knock! It's Don! Thank you Jesus that the calming people's faces I need to see are appearing. And he brought Reese's! Double hooray! As exciting and whirlwind and happy giving birth is, it is also very freaking scary. Especially with Loralei. I can't compare both my girl's birthday's because they are very different but they were also equally scary and exciting for me. With Addison, it was just earlier than expected and seemed to happen so fast. With Loralei, I wasn't sure how she was coming and having had a c-section, I was nervous at what I hadn't yet experienced though I wanted it.
The doctor then came in and everyone stepped out except Josh. She sat with us and asked my thoughts on birth. "I would like to push her," I replied. I continued to have contractions and breathe through them as she explained to both of us the risks with attempting a VBAC. It's not even officially called a VBAC until you succeed, until then it's just an "attempt". The problem with me wanting this was that I don't have a "proven pelvis". I.E. You haven't actually had a baby come through your birth canal before so we don't know if this will work for you. Doctor Bradford then explained that the "ideal VBAC candidate" is a mother who has given birth vaginally, had a c-section for whatever reason like a breech baby, and then has waited at least a full 12 months and wants to give birth vaginally again. So you see the problem. I was only 8 months healed when I became pregnant again and Addison had not exited through the SouthBound Lane. Doctor B brought me down a little further with the reality of what I was trying to do by listing the risks, which basically are: I'll rip open on the inside but no one will know until it's scary, the baby will go into distress, 70% of women succeed/30% fail, the risk of death to the baby is 1/1000, after uterine rupture (that tearing inside) the risk of death to the baby is 30%, and if I was to rupture there was basically a big risk to my own life and my lady parts and the future possibility of children. The only upside on that paper was the 70% that succeed but again, that was women with a proven pelvis. I had to sign this paper acknowledging those risks. She left us alone to think about it.
Josh was very supportive and said if this is what I wanted, he would be there to hold my hand. Duh, I thought, you sure as hell aren't leaving me here now. His parents came back in and we walked them through what was happening while Addison sat with me on the bed and watched her sister bounce around. They both looked shocked as Josh explained. Then they kind of eyed me to see if I had a second head growing. Once you hear all those risks it's hard to explain that it's the safer option for the baby overall if you can push. My body was made for this and it's all I wanted with Addison who inherited my her father's stubborn streak. I didn't have a choice with her but Loralei was head down. She wanted this too! I was contracting and we were ready! Doctor B came back and I handed over the signed paper. After all day of contractions, I wasn't going to quit now.
Holly was coming and going in the room and said Mom had arrived with pizza, which she kindly kept in the waiting room, away from me, who was not allowed food. Hol seemed totally whatev about the VBAC thing but she seems to be that way about most things in life unless they piss her off. Everyone went to get pizza and Mom came in to talk to me. She assured me that I could do this if I wanted and waited with me while I was checked for dilation. I was at 0 when we entered the hospital 2 hours ago even after contractions all day. I was at a 1! Hooray! Things were finally on board down there! This was happening! Josh came back in and bounced with me. Ok, he didn't bounce. I don't even think he said hooray but I felt it.
As 9:00PM rolled around Ann took Addison back to her house for the night, 15 minutes away. I told Addison I loved her and that tomorrow she would meet her new sister. Luckily she was too tired to even cry as she left. Don went home with promises to keep his phone on but with me at only 1cm, we all figured everyone would have plenty of time to get some shut eye before Miss Loralei made her debut. Holly told me to hold her until she got off work tomorrow so she didn't miss this one too and Josh assured her that Lora's birthday would be on the 20th. "We'll see," I said. Even Mom went home since Josh was ok to stay with me. Not like he would miss his own daughter's birth. (See Addison's birth story where he didn't have proper OR shoes.) We settled in, us two, to try to sleep for now.
Of course I didn't sleep. Not one minute. I was having contractions. I refused pain meds because they made me loopy last week and I didn't want to be punch-drunk and not remember anything. Nor did I want the contractions to stop. 2 weeks of labor was enough. Let them do their thing. Nurses kept coming in anyway to check papers, monitor positions, help me untangle to go pee… they all laughed when they saw Josh snoozing away on his little bed. He was actually snoring a little. After getting me some juice, a Graham cracker to nibble, a bottle of ice water, they would disappear leaving me to Roseanne again.
At midnight Doctor B came back. She wanted to check me. Josh sprang out of bed like his head was on fire. "Did I miss it?!" "No honey, you didn't miss the birth. She's just checking me again to see how I'm doing." He held my hand. Then Doctor B said something very sad. "You're still only at 1cm." I asked her how that could be when I got 1cm in 2 hours before and now it's been 4 hours and there's no change? She wasn't sure. Sometimes the baby just won't come down, or in this case maybe she can't. It hasn't been proven that my pelvis was big enough. Maybe she came down all she could, we just don't know. Doctor B gave us the option of choice. I could keep laboring or I could say I gave it the ole college try and just have the c-seciton. It had already been about 10 hours of true laboring and she didn't think it looked good that I was only at 1cm but it was my choice. She would support me. She left us to talk.
The second that door closed I was sobbing. Why? Why wasn't my body doing what it was supposed to? Why couldn't I just have a baby like all the other women who have babies normally? What was wrong with me? Josh just sat and waited and hugged me. "What do you want to do, Amanda?" he asked me. "You've done a great job so far…" I didn't feel like I had done a great job. I had been in pain for hours, for weeks, and I had nothing to show for it. I had 1 cm. 1 lousy, useless cm. I was tired and emotional and just worn down. So I cried more. "I don't know what to do, Josh. I don't want to give up on her. I feel like if I keep trying maybe she will come down." He shifted to look at me. "You've been in labor for 10 hours already. I know you would keep going another few days if you have to, but you've tried, you've given her the chance, but she isn't coming down. Who knows why. She might not be able to. If you want to keep going, we can but you are already worn out and that's not good either." I cried more. Then I made the hardest decision I've ever had to make. I decided to be cut open again, vulnerable again, sore again, for my daughter. "OK." Josh got up and stuck his head out of the door to call the doc back.
"She's going to consent to the c-section." I cried again. Doctor B called a nurse in who began walking me through the paperwork allowing the surgery. "Wait," Josh said. "We're doing it RIGHT NOW?" "We can wait until morning if you like but if the baby isn't coming down and dilating, she might go into distress. Once you sign all the paperwork, it's only a matter of walking across the hall and having the epidural so we can wait if you'd like but I'm ready now if you are," Doctor B explained. Josh looked at me. "We're ready," he said. I nodded. I signed more papers acknowledging the risks of major surgery and everyone whisked out again to start the process. I called my mom while he called his and we told them what was happening quickly then Josh took my picture. The last picture I'll ever have pregnant. "Before you become a Mom again," he said.
I took the camera. "Before you become a Dad again."
His Mom said she would come with Addison in the morning to meet Baby Loralei, but my Mom was jumping back in the car to race over from North Charleston. We left our things and walked across the hall to the OR. I had to go in alone again so I did. I cried and sat half naked and exposed on the table while I was given an epidural needle. The nurses asked questions to distract me. "Is this your first?…Boy or girl?…Name?…" I was laid down because I was numb and could no longer feel my nakedness. Josh was allowed to enter all robed up. He came straight to me and squeezed my hand telling me it was ok. I cried. The doctors entered the room, Doctor Bradford and Doctor Bullen, who helped deliver Addison. I squeezed Josh's hand and let the tears come as they began. A few minutes later Loralei was born. Josh took this photo of my phone the minute she was born. That's her ultrasound picture.
The nurses quickly measured her and she scored a 9.
She weighed 7 pounds and 11 ounces. "Josh look at her chunk!" I said. She was a full 2 pounds heavier than Addison so we were in awe. She was beautiful. She cried little whimpers until I got to hold her 2 minutes later. Then she just laid down and went to sleep.
Josh took a selfie of us. He was thrilled at her arrival. On the 20th.
Every once in a while she would open one eye and peek at me to make sure I was still there then she would go back to sleep, content. Already a Mama's girl.
As soon as she went to recovery with Daddy, I followed and then she met her Nana for the first time.
Beautiful Baby Loralei Ruth Graham was born at 1:22AM on January 20th, 2014. We already loved her so much then and we love her even more now!
No comments:
Post a Comment