The Mountain Trip

Alright guys, I had to write a page of a short story for my Fiction Writing class. We had to take one of three senarios (1.Drag a body down the beach, 2.A wife watches her husband be attacked by a bear, 3.Find a body in the woods). The trick is that we had to write the actual topic in a "cold" demeanor. Tell me what you think of mine...

A quarter mile away from where her parents had set up lunch, the trees grew thick and dark, and the ground was damp and cool. Ali climbed up on a large, oval-shaped white rock to better see ahead of her. Her parents had decided to go hiking and camping as a way for them to bond with her for the weekend. Ali wasn't ecstatic about going, but at least she could breathe outside. Her younger brother had been kidnapped three years ago when he was eight and it tore her family apart. Though Ali still missed him and worried about him, her parents were crushing her to death with their concern about her. Turning on top of the great rock, Ali decided to walk towards the stream. She watched squirrels chase each other and dance up the tall pines, hearing the gravel trail and fallen pine straw crunch under her walking sneakers. Breathing deep and glancing up through the leaves at the sky, Ali felt alone for the first time in a long time. It felt glorious. Reaching the trembling brook, Ali sat down by the water's edge and began to pull off her sneakers and socks so that she could dip her feet into the coolness.
Stripping off her pack and leaving it near her shoes, she began to walk downstream a bit over the smooth stones thinking about what life would be like if David had never been taken, about the normal life she'd have. About fifty feet from her bag, Ali almost fell sliding on a slick rock. I have to stop daydreaming she scolded herself. Looking down to pull her foot from the mud she had sunken into Ali decided to turn back before she hurt herself.
Twisting back around carefully, she saw his face first, swollen and just above the water. The eyes, the black large eyes, frozen wide and set deep in the greenish glow of his skull. He lay belly up in the creek, his spine twisted around his pack, limbs spread at impossible angles. Flesh was torn from the left side of his face, but the dark blood that would've run from the crevasses was long gone in the current. The jeans and sweatshirt he wore was torn in places and stained blotchy with black mud. The shoe from his bent right foot was a bright burgundy and looked like it had been for a while.
Ali was so shocked she had walked right by him around the bend without noticing, the thought to scream or call for help was delayed a full minute as she tried to convince herself she wasn't seeing what was right in front of her. “MOM! DAD! HELP!” Ali yelled as she found her voice...

Would you want to keep reading this? Did I portray finding the body in a "cold" way? Is there anything you can think of to improve it? Thanks! Love you! :)